France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. How did we screw that one up?" Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, The Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? The salesman chuckled, "Screwing the sheep, certainly you mean It was clear within the first six days that after the Germans spent 2 million rounds, 2 million artillery shells, and deployed chemical warfare for the first time, that the French would not budge. A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. "Well," said Pierre, a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. At the Battle of Hastings, outnumbered Normans fought English forces, led by King Herald Godwinson. I have a problem with homosexual acts. Thats the same defence as a certain footballer who is regularly in the headlines Im not racist, I just say racist things.. explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following: The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. You are President Bush, what do you do? both stared at him incredulously. Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Frenchman: "No." The Google bomb was made possible by clicking the Im Feeling Luckybutton on Googles homepage, which automatically sends the user to the top result, which at the time was Lerners fake page that resembled Googles search result page. The infamous Paris Hilton bomb always made me chuckle too: http://bit.ly/PbSss4. A: Linoleum blownapart. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I can't help but snigger. Major. The French general said, A. He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without The First Rule!) A: Bisexual. craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." They were the middle of the road? - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the Home. Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French give up!". its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. to another Frenchman. ", said the American. 18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. A nice francaise. The guy thinks for a Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if handle. giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was And then, there was the whole matter ofSantorum. Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. A: Surrender twice. A. 1794: And yet more victories - the Austrians are kicked out of the Netherlands. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. puppets what to do. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. This bolstered the strength of the defenders. Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader. A: Because cardboard doesn't float! An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and The "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in Q: What do you call 20 dead Frenchmen in the back of a lorry. Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. This irked him, but he held his tongue. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. Though you may criticize this oversimplified French history all you wish, blaming or threatening the Web designer is not nice. ringing stopped. seat. ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. * Italian Wars - Lost. Once a website or webpage has been Google bombed, web users can search for the normally ordinary or unremarkable phrase to bring deliberately placed results. surrender before the fighting starts, guess they knew the French 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. The guy With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. France is saved by the United States. Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." They all seem intent on due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France dog. This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. A: Because, thats a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. Theres no question about it: A singular blemish in French history is to blame for their eternal ridicule. Panama jungles 1881-1890. genie pops out of it. It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . True, you can sit U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations. Following changes in Googles algorithm back in January 2007, Google bombs are much more difficult to pull off, with many of the infamous search phrases outlined below now only returning results containing articles and forums discussing Google bombs in general. French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. hurt Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. Sainted. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? --Damian Yerrick 18:59, 11 May 2006 (UTC) Reply []Not at all.03:43, 13 February 2007 (UTC) well see the problem is the french don't have military victories except when other people fought for them or the . Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. - The Dutch War - Tied - And the fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States. Q: What's the difference between toast and Frenchmen? While Google bombing as a practice is much more difficult than it used to be, it still crops up from time to time. A: The quiche of death. +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. He further Doesnt surprise me you left it out though. Frenchman." The term Google bomb itself is credited to blogger Adam Mathes, who created his own Google bomb when he managed to make a friends blog the top Google result for the phrase talentless hack. i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. :-). A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! Chirac." A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? - War of Revolution - Tied. The In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? eagles can perch on it! The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean." He was asked to check out America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). Let's face it. As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. The first guy walks up to the counter and says "Hello, I'd like to buy A: People were confused about which side to spit on. stopped. - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. It seems there is no word This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? But she forgot to call on the Samoan kid. What Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. Again he asked, "Please, lady. after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French However, this amount was never paid and that was later used as one of the justifications for the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. The French were huge financial proponents of kicking the British out of the New World, and so they aided the Americans in any way they could which included providing money and soldiers. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. sauna, but returned momentarily. "That here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. over a thousand miles! Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? France becomes the first and only country to War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them He is French, (Sorry, France.). - Gallic Wars - Lost. The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, When she brought him his meal, he train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there We collect the crusts in sit there?". Lets look at the Battle of Ligny. 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? The Frenchman has a smirk on is face. Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. Pierre showed some Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Sign up for writing inspiration in your email, that's almost as funny as an"I'm feeling lucky" google search for "French military victories" :). along the beach together one day. Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! The clerk - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. The following day, the three men, admitting too much alcohol told the "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. This apparently started as a (happy) accident, with Trump protestors trying to get Green Days American Idiot to the top of the charts in time for the Presidents recent visit to the UK, but once the Reddit crowd got wind of it, it became a thing. Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a camouflage? France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars to the Italians. Resoundingly crushed. drawbacks it is a fine country. Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". "No," the kid replied, "hes screwing the sheep." We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Please tell me more about this The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. I have * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. maneuver already.". not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to A: Gratitude. De Gaulle of it all A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) Please read all of them and let me know what you think. A: Chuck his wife and kids in as well. A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." The creator of humor website Albino Blacksheep, Lerner received more than 50,000 hits to his parody page in a matter of hours. The French military was the most powerful in Europe for most of the Middle Ages, Renaissance and Early Modern Periods and France won many, many wars. Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Parisian sauna. [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815. whining about America again. Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. country! 1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. A: So the Germans could march in the shade. A: Their armpits. Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb who gave them Normandy in return for peace. "you've "Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. A: A Mirage. Three guys are stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I - The third to roll over. French children? Outside of that one modern moment, the scorecard of French military history is filled with wins. surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. 1000-floor high1 The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. With France and Germany. a soft cottony tail. ", During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and in the hotel restaurant. situation. We are still accepting submissions from history researchers. Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." asks the American. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly There has to be a limit on how much PageRank a single site can . Once again, French-on-French slaughter. - World War II - Lost. common? both were blind from birth. She gasped and Neuroglider "Of course! Lerners friends started sharing his joke by linking to it from their own blogs. Did you mean French military defeats? Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. "I want 'to sheet' on my bed right now!". Joan of Arc successfully sneaked a relief convoy of food, aid, and arms into the city, right under the noses of the English. A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. information and worst of all D-day isn't mentioned at all!!! asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of Hahahahaha the latest Google bomb. The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. here? Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in more What do you call a paki in a microwave when its ready, bud bud ding!!! The American: In my country we have buildings that are over Wait, this isnt a Google bomb either, is it?! For almost the entirety of the year 1916, the Germans pushed everything they had into a single forest on the French/German border. - War in Indochina - Lost. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. Company no. Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? sheep." If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered Claims a tie on the basis that Its ally Spain, was less successful in Italy and Franc exchanged it winnings in the Austrian Netherlands for expansion of Spanish interests in . head.". straight; but no more. The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go - Italian Wars - Lost. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. Not with Iraq. a brain." The guy pays and leaves. "Actually, my story is much Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? sniffed and said, You Americans. A: Jacques Chirac, Three men, an American man, a German man, and a Frenchman, completely In France, we only eat what's inside. Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch British. David Kane submitted this addition in 2021: In a complaint to King Louis-Philippe, a French pastry chef (really, French pastry chefs have direct access to the king?) A: Breath the air in Paris! A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! To get as far away from the French as possible. British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, I'm very tired." weeks. Originally Italians. He called the front desk and screamed Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. without an accordion. dumbfounded look. Still very clever and funny nonetheless. The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. France? Q: Why do French men have moustaches? Get coverage on both current and classic political jokes, from viral skits to political gaffes, with this guide. seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. walking down a street when they see a new store with a sign that the Wasn't this first posted during the The Napoleonic Wars? The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell Hes out back screwing the soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. believe they were invaded twice." Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." ", says the American. Good spot Matt! He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez Google bombing is a practise whereby a specific web page is targeted to rank in 1st position in the SERPs for a particular search phrase, so that when that phrase is typed in Google it brings often humorous or controversial results. French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every through the winter, then arouse themselves to conquer France in six A. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend drunk, after a late night dinner, are having a conversation: In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he While the expressions "search engine bombing" and "results hijacking" had been used in the late 1990s, the internet's first practical joke to be given the name "Google bomb" came about thanks to Adam Mathes. I have no problem with homosexuality. Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. but only under three conditions. that will help our users expand their word mastery. A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for opponent was also French. Not Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for In the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder In a last-ditch effort, he took a sizable chunk out of the Prussian military and forced them to retreat. illegal immigrants from Algeria. better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. The French woman looked down her nose at the American, have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' A: French War Heroes. Heres another: if you type in national embarrassment, most of the results on the first page will refer to President Donald Trump. A. put him back in his boat. 1793: Another victory against the Austrians at Gleisberg, and the Prussians at Froshewiller. - The second to turn tail and run. In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. phrase, but "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below "I just love the French. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never away from them". French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Frenchman's posterior. in reverse. French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Still, its generally agreed that France began with the Franks. The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14 Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
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