I confirmed that I had actually found out I was pregnant with his child shortly after we broke up but I didnt abort it. The first time was about 6 months later. I've talked to him a few times and it just seemed like he needed to remember happy times for a bit. 5. After 4 years, my ex reached out to me asking how I have been (The end of our relationship was somewhat mutual. If your relationship went on for any significant period of time, it can be really easy to start fantasizing about how awesome dating is going to be once its over. So much was tied up inside because of a difficult home life, hadn't learned yet to really let all that flow out. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). I'd been warm and affectionate with him, but except during sex (we were each others first), I never said I loved him. Youve both moved on, got a new partner, and were happy, so whats the motive? If you were in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do when your ex reaches out is not to respond. Just a comment on the "closure" part of Your post: no you don't. It was just a very strong intuition, and one that was "confirmed" when he'd shown up at that beach thing, even though the rational part of my mind said I couldn't really "know" that, and that it probably wasn't likely. But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. Closure, like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself. If your ex and you had a very on-again-off-again kind of relationship, do you think bringing that back into your life is a healthy decision? You might be the kind of person who does not stay friends with their exes and the sudden texting might throw you off guard. Related Reading: 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, Elena, one of our readers from Los Angeles, was still trying to move on after her partner ended things over an email. A sapiosexual, pizza-loving cinephile. I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). Signs And Coping Tips, 15 Speed Dating Dos and Donts You Need To Know, How To Start A Conversation With A Girl: 20 Ways That Never Fail, 10 Ways To Tell Your Parents You Have A Girlfriend, Dealing With An Insecure Boyfriend? Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? September 8, 2022 by Zan. You just sit tight and wait for your ex to reveal what he or she wants. Your ex could just come back to patch his or her wounds and take you for granted again. Until you reach 41 weeks, your provider may not do anything unless there are problems. After a few weeks of talking, take the plunge and suggest the two of you meet face-to-face. Thank you for being you. Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. Strangely, I am going through health issues and was quite surprised about his message. To handle an ex coming back with dignity, you should ponder on all the probable scenarios to stay a step ahead of them. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. In fact, it might even be a good idea to block your ex if they make you feel uncomfortable on any level. He agreed. In your mind, it's been a while since you broke up, and in the meantime, it feels like a lot of water has passed under the bridge. Thank you Zan for your perspective. Its strange to call your ex to find out if they think the same as them, but it happens because you still feel connected to your ex. They want to hear it from you directly. You might have completely moved on and be having the time of your life then suddenly, heres your ex. Before we talk about what to do when an ex reaches out after no contact, we need to discuss what "after" means. I think you should let this one go. So, be a good human being and talk about it to your partner. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. Youll set your own pace and see if your ex agrees. There was a certain sense of familiarity and comfort in your relationship which is simply hard to replace. You can also use the online chat. In searching for the familiar, we may be drawn back to past times in our lives when our cares seemed so much lighter than they do now. I haven't reached out because I think he's married. But dont rush into setting a date for a catch-up over coffee. When people are experiencing anxiety and fear about their health and well-being, and uncertainty has become the weather and the climate," they often want to make amends with people from their pasts. Closure is not something you can give someone or receive from someone. Want to know more? My ex and I are talking again, can this lead to something more complicated? I suggested spending more time together at hers, or going away together somewhere to stay for a period. Now, she wants to meet for coffee and I cant resist myself because I still need that closure. Maybe you thought youve made your peace with whatever happened with your ex. Very hard, traumatic at times. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., is a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University. Remember, when an ex contacts you, you need to be answerable to yourself first. When an ex contact you years after the breakup, your ex wants to get something from you. I think if you don't feel completely comfortable responding or you're questioning their motives, then don't respond. But if youre with someone else and feel happy, you can respond and see what triggered his nostalgia. In some cases, exes break up and get back together more than once due to unhealthy relationship patterns or beliefs. He mentioned catching up and I respectfully declined, immediately established the limit. No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because he's stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. We do not have a friendship, and never had one outside of our relationship. Long time. Wants your help with something. I wouldnt bother replying to an ex who dumped me years ago, even if Im unattached. I will stay in a chaotic state of mind until I find out what they want after all these days.. Thats why he or she breaks the rules of no contact that he or she has been following religiously and gives you some of your power back. You were friends before getting involved in a relationship, and becoming a couple destroyed your friendship. Dont reach out with specific expectations about an old friends responsereach out because you would like to hear their voice again and check in, and nothing more. I saw them looking around. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. Its not one-sided either, they both feel the same way. Despite their problems in their relationship, they were soul mates, and theyd never been able to find such a deep connection with anyone else since the break-up. If your ex contacted you during no contact years after the breakup, you have an important decision to make. He didn't know where I moved to. I don't think it's reciprocated on my end & I thought not replying would prevent another attempt to be honest. When were scared, we long for the familiar, and right now, many of us are afraid or concerned in ways that we havent been before ever in our lives. What does it mean when an ex contacts you years later? Do you like how your life looks without your ex? Ex Reached Out After No Contact. I actually miscarried shortly after confirming the pregnancy. Truth be told, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isnt what anyone wants. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel about it? Before she had the chance to process this heartbreak, this ex-partner resurfaced out of nowhere. He was understanding and glad to know I am happy. Its okay if your ex doesnt contact you, Linda. It means that you must wait for your ex to verbalize or show what he or she wants. Anyway I replied nicely and she was surprised I wanted to even speak to her. Good emotional support is tough to come by out there in the cold, dark dating world. They might just want to be friends with you, if youre open to the idea. He thought were friends and the fact that he cheated on me was very conveniently swept under the rug. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. Sometimes, I want to reply but my partner is visibly upset about it, so I havent so far. If the person ghosted you leaving you in dire need of closure, you might feel tempted to respond to their message. I was living back in our old area for a little while and had been spending every weekend that summer at a beach club. He also has a kid. As you say, it was likely just an attempt to ease her guilt. I was unable to provide the support he needed at the time, as I had not healed and wasn't ready to let go of my trauma (my therapist says I didn't want to relinquish the power he had over me - that it was a continuation of the abuse.) On a whim, I looked to see if he was on Facebook. I saw my ex post on a facebook page I was a group in. Your ex-partner must have kept a tab on you. But that doesnt mean the deeper connection between them would disappear just like that. Remember, friendships are often place-bound or time-bound relationships and their remembered intensity may be reflecting more about the intensity of that period of your life rather than the depth of that friendship. And think of yourself first. When exes come back after no contact, it startles you for a second. Like I said, I never reached out to an Ex. Im guessing shes trying to do something to clear her conscience. This is super interesting as information. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. It was so dumb, just irrational avoidance and not being ready yetThe five-year gap was apparently not enough, lol. If one of my exes reached out to me years after the break-up Id know that their personal lives have become a great disappointment and now theyre reevaluating what they foolishly threw away years before. But some people are lucky enough to meet that one person who accepts everything about them. If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. Dont make up stories when your partner asks you, Why would an ex contact you years later? Be honest and tell them the truth about what your ex has texted you. I have no idea what to do. In all honesty, there is no "after no contact" as no contact is . What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. I could tell knowing the truth was a huge weight off his mind. Despite going on several dates after breaking up with their ex-partner, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with. Wont hurt to text them back if alls forgiven and forgotten. His best friend from high school saw me there and recognized me. :). Ive written about the signs that your ex secretly wants you back and what really happens when they do but Ive neglected a little fuzzy grey area. I got a message on Linkedin today andI'm so confused (the message said I came up in their feed I don't even know how that's possible we live in opposite side of the world, work in different industries and don't share contacts)? In that case, having a quick chat on Instagram wont be such a bad idea. I was living about 1.5 hours away at the time, had moved away even before our break-up. Ex Royal Marine, 34, who was forced out of the military after he developed tinnitus and hearing loss when 'useless' earplugs 'fell out' during training exercises wins 700,000 payout Whats going on? You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. Have you ever considered getting back with your ex? Exes might get back together if the reasoning for a breakup was mutual or based on uncontrollable life circumstances. I'm Sorry for What Happened His email said that he'd had some things on his mind. If they agree, set the date and meet up with them. Might even make it a little easier to connect with my kids. Discussions must remain civil at all times, and women must be allowed to dominate the discussion. Nothing will raise your chances of reconciliation higher than when your ex reaches out to you after he or she has had the time to think thoroughly. Just the prospect of talking to an ex after years is bound to give you a lot of anxiety. Since you can never really know why they contacted you, you shouldnt make assumptions about anything. You gave her a chance and she blew it. We suggested you to not reply too soon when exes come back after no contact. This is a possibility if you ended the relationship on good terms. Her requirements werent clear and she wanted me to make suggestions about what to do, but her first question was: I dont know if you want us to go back to before, where we are living in separate places?. And if theres a new partner in the picture, the green-eyed monster might rear its ugly head. Im not sure if Im doing the right thing. Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time and its important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back.
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